If Not…

Throughout this week in California visiting Jonny’s family, there is a specific theme I’ve realized the Lord has been impressing on me. Be it through my father-in-law’s sermons, conversations with my new sister, and various other random circumstances, He has been whispering this consistently: And if not, He is still good.This isn’t an “it’s okay, I forgive you, Lord,” saying. It’s “Your ways are higher than my ways, Your thoughts are higher than my thoughts.” He wastes nothing. Through it all, He is sovereign, working in His church, in each of His individual children. Even in the pain, the disappointments, the times it felt like He didn’t come through. But are your ears and eyes going to be open to the Spirit so you can learn what the reason was?

We won’t always know. We won’t always get the answer. But Christ knows, and maybe in Heaven it’ll be revealed. We’ll have the mind of Christ, then. But for now, trust in that He is still good. He knows what He’s doing.

When I was little, my father would warn me not to buy certain cheap toys, but save my five dollar allowance instead. I remember clearly buying the toy, having it break within a few days, and then crying because I wished I had listened and saved it for the next toy I wanted and bought a better quality one instead. So it is with the Lord. Maybe that job you so desperately wanted was withheld because within a few years the business would tank. We never know. There is always a million more factors in each tiny decision than our human eyes can perceive.

Your life won’t always look like those around you. That’s okay. It isn’t supposed to. It’s supposed to look like the one He designed uniquely for you. The joys will be different, the trials will be different, and the day to day schedule will be different. I find myself getting so caught up sometimes in comparing my life with those around me. I catch myself wondering if I’m doing enough to somehow pass as a productive adult, if I can handle as much as they can, be it the fires they walk through or the loads they carry. But they were trained for their unique loads, certain muscles hardened for specific weights. Mine were hardened for others requiring a different set of muscles, and that’s okay. That’s how He designed it to be. God’s grace will always meet you where you’re at. There is a special measure that will be given to you, when you need it. Until then, you won’t have it. You ONLY have grace for today’s leg of this journey through earth, and the strength it will require.

Even as I write this (January 2nd) I’m anxiously wondering if everything finally worked out and I will actually be able to start classes January 4th. Honestly, if it falls through, I will be extremely disappointed. Studying English Literature is what I know I want to do, at least for this season. It’s the field I have always wanted to be involved in, and I’m tired of sitting around waiting to immerse in it. Diving in on January 4th seems like the best possible route for this time in my life. But if not, He is still good. If I never study English Literature and spend the rest of my life a little housewife (not that there is anything wrong  with that lifestyle, it’s simply not the one I desire), He is still good! Because the reality is He knows what’s best for me and my husband more than I ever will. He knows the secret desires of my husband’s heart, of my parents’ hearts, and even my own more than I ever will. He knows how my being or not being a full time student right now will affect them and every other area of our lives more than I do. He knows what will fulfill the heart of His daughter more than I do. So if I don’t start classes, if I end up in an entirely different major, if I never become the writer I dream to or am involved with words in any sort of capacity; if my ministry ends and I can no longer engage with the young girls I so adore and speak into their lives, if we move from Miami never to return, if these aching feet never again kiss the dirt of the mission field, He is still good. 

“For we are His creation, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time so that we should walk in them.”
Ephesians 2:10 HCSB

Until next time,

XOXO

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