I Can Be Soft Now.

On Sunday, during the most lovely Indian blessing from my sweet, sweet friends, my engagement ring went missing. Understand, I loved that ring. I am that girl who spent her childhood dreaming of her ring, her groom, and her day. This ring was perfect. When I gazed at that stone, I saw Jonny’s love, Christ’s devotion, and my younger self’s hope gazing back. I saw the hardness I thought I needed for survival. After scouring the apartment- trashes, drains, everything- over and over again with countless sets of eyes, we determined it was lost. In my head, I thought I’d handle such a situation with my mother and fiancé’s ethereal outlook- remembering the whole earth is dying anyways and the ring is just a symbol. 

No. Yesterday, I broke. Meltdown in Macy’s, type breaking. While those same friends were being so gentle and caring (and distracting), David and Jonny devised a plan, bought a ring I had been eyeing, and surprise-proposed to me again, now with a new ring, in a new moment. The first time around, I wasn’t present fully. Sickness, in so many forms, was still lingering. I wasn’t surprised and was unable to fully treasure the moment. This time, with this ring, with the select few who were there, it was more than I had ever imagined. In this ring, I see fresh life. I see the commitment of my groom, the redemption of the Holy Spirit, and the hope and joy of pressing forward into both eternity, and maturity. I can be soft now.

Losing my ring, I realized, was one of my deepest wedding fears. Having a day-stopping meltdown affecting more than myself was another. In the moment, it felt like the world was crashing in. I didn’t know how we would afford another engagement ring. I couldn’t imagine getting married without such an important piece, knowing I had once had one. But the Lord has a way of stripping everything down to then rebuild things you didn’t know were broken. 

I will repay you for the years that the swarming locust ate, the young locust, the destroying locust, and the devouring locust—My great army that I sent against you.

Joel 2:25

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2 thoughts on “I Can Be Soft Now.

  1. Wow Serenity!!!! I saw you tonight and I was thinking if I should talk to you or not… I wanted to talk about engagement rings but then decided “No… This week is too much, I’ll talk to her later”. But now I’m thinking that I should have! Cause you would have just the right thing to tell me after reading this story of yours. I’ll reach you out later after the wedding and then hopefully we can talk about it 🙂 Thank you so much for sharing this!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pingback: A Grateful Rambling | Limberlost Musings

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