The rain gently dances on my cheeks to the music of the girl singing below. The balcony has us lifted above the earth, beneath the stars. In a bag riddled with memories, I let her worship lull me to dreamland. With morning’s light I’ll waken, prepare the coffee, and enjoy Hawaii’s Saturday with women becoming sisters.
Legs are soaked. Drizzling turned to rainstorm, and the sleeping bags weren’t as waterproof as we thought. Open door couch dreaming is chosen instead. Except the fan, all is silent. In the morning I’ll wake with the same sisters, prepare the same brew in the same morning light. All is well with my soul.
Monday morning. Lectures begin, and I’m grateful for the ever-present Kona coffee. Within fifteen minutes I’m in near tears. It’s as if with the dawn, anxiety also wakens. Where do I fit here, I wonder? Am I getting the full experience? What if my lecture phase isn’t everything I dreamed of? Am I doing something wrong? And then the speaker states: “It is not about you. It is about serving Him for His sake.”
A few days later, “It’s not a task of something we need to do, but a revelation of what we have.” When the speaker said this, it pierced deeper than I could have expected. I thought I understood the depths of Christ’s love for me, at least as much as I could. I thought I had grasped that it would never fail me. Until he said this.
All week we have been learning about how the fear of the Lord is entirely intertwined with intimacy with Him, and how it’s not a “check yes if this applies to you” type of thing, but rather it’s area-specific. While I may fear Him in areas of my physical well-being, but I didn’t in the area of my emotional well-being. Thus, there was a blockage of intimacy within that realm of my heart.
However, it still isn’t about me “doing” anything. In a room full of political activists and injustice fighters, this was hard for all of us to take in, it seemed. Instead, it’s about recognizing He is Lord in every area of my life, and accepting the love He has freely given, along with all the connotations of what that means. If He loves me, He will fight to protect me from utter emotional ruin. I may get hurt, yes, but then He will be there to comfort me and carry me through it. If He loves me, then I must be as intricate and beloved as He says I am.
“You have stolen My heart, My sister, My bride; you have stolen My heart with one glance of your eyes, one jewel of your necklace.” Song of Songs 4:9
“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” 1 John 3:16”
“As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Now remain in My love.” John 15:9
This is a shorter post, but it captures the essence of my week: basking in the love-light of my Redeemer. Take some time to let these words soak in and over you. Remember how intensely and entirely and eternally you are adored by a relentless God.
Unfortunately I didn’t get any pictures this week besides the cover photo, but I promise I’ll get more next week!
Until next time!